How Do I Find the Right People to Be Around?

Now that you have made The List and have figured out who you need to spend less time with, you may be wondering how you can find the right people to be around if they are not currently in your life. You should start looking for new people who will add value to your life and make you step out of your comfort zone to grow as a person.

So where can you find these people? Here are a few recommendations:

• Fraternities/Sororities
• Student Leadership Groups
• Professional Associations
• Orientation Leaders
• Executive Boards of Student Groups
• Pre-Professional Organizations
  

Students are told to get involved on campus for a very specific reason: because there is a correlation between students who get involved on campus and those who succeed academically and as professionals. If you are involved in a student group, take a leadership role. If you are not involved yet, get involved with something.

It doesn’t matter what you do, just do something!

A good place to start is with your interests. What is it you like to do? Another question to ask is who is the type of person you want to be? Do a Google search with that interest and the name of your city or town. Or you can go to your Student Activities Office and get a list of the organizations that exist on campus. You will be amazed at what you can find.


Arel Moodie is widely known as America's Top Young Speaker. He has spoken to over 65,000 students in 39 states and 2 countries on the topics of student success, student leadership and student entrepreneurship. He is a leading authority on helping students of this generation succeed in school and in life. He is also the best selling author of the book Your Starting Point For Student Success. To find out more about Arel's book, go to www.startingpointbook.com. To find out more about Arel's speaking please go to www.arelmoodie.com.

Use "The List"

Here is an action step you should take right now. This is going to be a tough one, so you may want to do it alone where you can feel safe and open with yourself and not worry about people wondering what you are writing.

Make a list of the people you spend the most time with. Next to their names, you will add a plus sign, “+,” or a minus sign, “-”. The plus sign represents  people who have values similar to yours or values that motivate you to move forward in life—those people who are supportive and those you know will help you on your journey to success. They add value to your life. Put a minus sign next to those who fall under the category of EPs. These are the people who you feel aren’t helping you along your journey of success. Keep spending time with the people with pluses, and start distancing yourself from the people with minuses.

This can be very emotional and very hard to do, so I recommend doing it when you have a free afternoon or don’t have to worry about having to do anything in particular for a few hours. Again, it may be tough for you, but it will be one of the best decisions you make for your overall sanity.

Arel Moodie is widely known as America's Top Young Speaker. He has spoken to over 65,000 students in 39 states and 2 countries on the topics of student success, student leadership and student entrepreneurship. He is a leading authority on helping students of this generation succeed in school and in life. He is also the best selling author of the book Your Starting Point For Student Success. To find out more about Arel's book, go to www.startingpointbook.com. To find out more about Arel's speaking please go to www.arelmoodie.com.

Okay, But How Do I Actually Do It?

There is no single way to start firing EPs from your life, but this one technique has been very helpful for many people, and I’m 100% confident it will work for you too. Instead of making it obvious you do not want to spend time with these EPs anymore (because that can be very socially awkward), simply choose to fill your time with activities that involve the people you want to be around and the activities that move you forward.

Here’s an example. You are ready to begin your journey to success, and you identify that building your leadership skills will help you in your endeavors. So you join a club that does community service on weekends. When your EPs invite you to do something wrong like drinking or smoking, you can easily say, “I’d love to, but I have to be up in the morning to go volunteer at the soup kitchen. Hey, do you want to come with me?”

One of two things will happen.

The EPs will change their attitude and want to be part of all of the new things you are doing. Or they will stop hanging around you, and you will be free. By the way, another reason you ask them to come with you is due to something called the law of reciprocity. Because you said no to them, by giving them a chance to recipro- cate and say no to you, it allows you to turn someone down with no one’s feelings getting hurt.

Deciding to fire people who are sucking the life out of you is defi- nitely not the easiest choice to make, especially when the EP in your life might be a family member or a loved one (yeah, I know that one is rough). But remember, what’s hard is often what’s the most fulfilling.

So if you find your EPs are family members, be there to support them and love them as best you can. Just share your goals and dreams with someone else.

Arel Moodie is widely known as America's Top Young Speaker. He has spoken to over 65,000 students in 39 states and 2 countries on the topics of student success, student leadership and student entrepreneurship. He is a leading authority on helping students of this generation succeed in school and in life. He is also the best selling author of the book Your Starting Point For Student Success. To find out more about Arel's book, go to www.startingpointbook.com. To find out more about Arel's speaking please go to www.arelmoodie.com.

Liberating Yourself from Energy Parasites

As you begin your journey to success, you have to be around people who will support you and will move you in the right direction. As W. Clement Stone says in his book The Success System That Never Fails,

“You are subject to your environment. Therefore, select the environment that will best develop you toward your desired objective.”

What that means is you are going to have to fire some people from your life to create the best environment for your success. That may sound harsh, but it’s true, and I want to help save you years of stress, heartache, and pain. To start achieving your goals and dreams, you have to get rid of the dead weight that is going to hold you down. You have to get rid of the “friends” who will try to make you drink instead of study: those who will have you do activities that don’t represent who you are or who you want to be.

The good news is you don’t have to invite the people you will be firing from your life into a boardroom Donald Trump-style and yell, “YOU’RE FIRED!” And you don’t have to completely eliminate anyone from your life who you may truly love but now realize is toxic to your well-being.

Firing an EP does not mean you don’t love that person or think you are better than him or her. It just means that if that person wants to have a messed up life, that’s not your problem. You have complete control over who you choose to spend the most time with.

Choose to spend more of your time with people who support you and who you want to be like, and less time with EPs.

Arel Moodie is widely known as America's Top Young Speaker. He has spoken to over 65,000 students in 39 states and 2 countries on the topics of student success, student leadership and student entrepreneurship. He is a leading authority on helping students of this generation succeed in school and in life. He is also the best selling author of the book Your Starting Point For Student Success. To find out more about Arel's book, go to www.startingpointbook.com. To find out more about Arel's speaking please go to www.arelmoodie.com.

Why People Want to Hold You Down

If you find someone who believes he or she is perfect and the whole world is the problem, that is a good sign you are dealing with an EP. If everywhere that person goes there is a problem, there is good chance they are actually the problem.

Have you ever seen crabs in a barrel? You can put live crabs in a bar- rel without a lid and not worry about any of the crabs escaping. Why? Because if one does try to climb out, another crab will be there to pull it back down. A lot of people are just like those crabs in the barrel. But why would someone choose to be an EP? Why would anyone want to be a crab in a barrel? Well, most of the time, EPs do not realize they are EPs.

The deep psychological reason why others hate to see you succeed is because if you succeed and they don’t, you’ll serve as a reminder about their untapped  potential. You will show them they have no excuse not to succeed, and they don’t want that because it is a lot easier  for them  to  not  try and  complain  why they  don’t have anything than it is to take action in their life. By seeing you fail, they can feel good about themselves. This is the only way for them to feel important. EPs will be your downfall if you choose to consistently subject yourself to their psychological assault.

Arel Moodie is widely known as America's Top Young Speaker. He has spoken to over 65,000 students in 39 states and 2 countries on the topics of student success, student leadership and student entrepreneurship. He is a leading authority on helping students of this generation succeed in school and in life. He is also the best selling author of the book Your Starting Point For Student Success. To find out more about Arel's book, go to www.startingpointbook.com. To find out more about Arel's speaking please go to www.arelmoodie.com.

Beware of Energy Parasites

As you decide who to spend most of your time with, beware of those who will sabotage you. Right now in your life, there are people who probably are toxic to your journey toward success. I call them Energy Parasites or EPs. Every time you are around these people, they suck your energy dry. They do it through their pessimistic view of the world and their desire for their problems to be your problems.

Everything seems to always be in chaos for them, and they want to make sure you are in the same chaos. Energy Parasites are the people who are quick to shoot down your dreams and the first ones to find what’s wrong with a situation instead of what’s right. They are the people who will make you feel like you can’t accomplish your goals.

Have you ever had a friend like that? When an EP calls you, your first thought after looking at the caller ID is “Damn! I really don’t want to take this call.” Every time you share good news with an EP, he or she looks for a way to rain on your parade. Tell an EP you are excited you got a new job, and the EP says, “Well, make sure not to mess up like you did at your previous job.” No matter what is going right, an EP will find something wrong.

And the EP always wants to burden you with his or her problem, and it’s probably not even a big deal. EPs will call you crying and screaming because their shoelaces are untied! The littlest things set them off.

Who needs it?


Arel Moodie is widely known as America's Top Young Speaker. He has spoken to over 65,000 students in 39 states and 2 countries on the topics of student success, student leadership and student entrepreneurship. He is a leading authority on helping students of this generation succeed in school and in life. He is also the best selling author of the book Your Starting Point For Student Success. To find out more about Arel's book, go to www.startingpointbook.com. To find out more about Arel's speaking please go to www.arelmoodie.com.

The Rule of 3: You Really Only Get Up to Three Friends Wherever You Go

The rule of three states that in whatever situation you enter, high school, college, summer camp, a job, internship, and so forth, you’ll be lucky if you stay in touch with more than three people from that situation.

Think about it. How many people do you still keep in touch with from elementary school? Junior high school? High school? And not just a random Facebook message or saying “hi” if you happen to be in the same place at the same time, but true friends you will call on the phone to just talk with or you will plan to go somewhere with to chill outside of the normal setting in which you would ordinarily see them. If that number is really small, congratulations, you are cool.

No matter how cool or uncool we think we are, if we just have one person, just one person we connect with, then we are cool because that is as good as anyone else has it. This concept of “cool” becomes more and more a myth the older you get.

Arel Moodie is widely known as America's Top Young Speaker. He has spoken to over 65,000 students in 39 states and 2 countries on the topics of student success, student leadership and student entrepreneurship. He is a leading authority on helping students of this generation succeed in school and in life. He is also the best selling author of the book Your Starting Point For Student Success. To find out more about Arel's book, go to www.startingpointbook.com. To find out more about Arel's speaking please go to www.arelmoodie.com.

Trying to Fit a Round Peg in a Square Hole

Growing up, I spent too much of my time trying to fit in, trying to be someone I wasn’t. You may know what that feels like too, as I’ve found a lot of people have dealt with this challenge. I can vividly remember the night before my first day of college: I felt such trepidation and excitement about attending college. Would college finally be the answer to my prayers? Would I fit in? Would I be cool or just a loser all over again?

Sitting there in my room packing my clothes, I remember looking up and glancing at my reflection in the mirror and locking eyes with myself. I looked into my eyes and promised myself I would be willing to grow to become the man I wanted to be. And at the time, the man I wanted to be was just someone who was accepted. So whatever I had to do to be cool, I was going to do.

When I got into college, I met a group of guys who were all definitely cool and popular. I figured when you first meet people, they can’t tell if you are cool or not, so I would sneak my way in under the radar and just kind of be the satellite friend. I was lucky to have a roommate all the girls liked and all the guys wanted to be like, and he brought me along whenever he would hang out. I felt I was now cool through association.

Everything was good except for the fact that a lot of the new cool people I was hanging out with drank and smoked weed a lot. That was never my thing. I tried hanging out with them while everyone else was stoned and drunk and I was the only sober person, and I remember not wanting to seem like a loser (and thinking I needed to get messed up too because being sober and hanging around drunk people isn’t fun at all), so I decided to give in to peer pres- sure. It seemed like this was the only way to finally get what I thought I wanted, which was to be cool and have a bunch of friends.

Drinking underage and smoking weed were not things I would have been proud to tell the world I was doing. In fact, if you want the simplest way to know whether what you are doing is right or wrong, just ask yourself this simple yet powerful question:

“If what I am about to do were to be put on the front page of every newspaper and on every website for everyone and my mama to see, would I be okay with that or would I feel ashamed?”

That one question alone will completely change your life for the better, even if that is all you take from this book (remember the power of the slight edge?).

The real challenge to living a shameful lifestyle is called our conscience. It’s the little voice that helps us know what’s right and what’s wrong. I call it our “internal pitchfork.” We have an internal vibration inside of us that lets us know what is good and what is bad. And my internal pitchfork kept going off like crazy saying “WARNING, WARNING” because what I was doing was not consistent with the real image I wanted for myself.

I wanted to be cool, but I didn’t want to sacrifice my personal beliefs of what I was sure was right. My internal pitchfork kept telling me what I was doing was not right.

What’s funny is the more I tried to fit in, the more I felt like I didn’t want to fit in. I wasn’t happy. I was trying to be someone and something I wasn’t. One night when I was hanging out with everyone while they were drinking and smoking, I looked around and asked myself, “Are these the people I really want to be like?” Would I feel proud being on the front page of every newspaper showing me drinking and smoking? The answer was no.

I felt really conflicted because I wasn’t happy hanging out with the cool kids, and I wouldn’t be happy if I weren’t cool. What was I to do? I wanted to be accepted, but what I didn’t understand back then was the rule of three.

Arel Moodie is widely known as America's Top Young Speaker. He has spoken to over 65,000 students in 39 states and 2 countries on the topics of student success, student leadership and student entrepreneurship. He is a leading authority on helping students of this generation succeed in school and in life. He is also the best selling author of the book Your Starting Point For Student Success. To find out more about Arel's book, go to www.startingpointbook.com. To find out more about Arel's speaking please go to www.arelmoodie.com.

The Proof is in the Pudding (or I guess in this case, the GPA)

Still need some more proof you will be the average of the five people you spend the most time with? Try this little exercise on for size, and I bet you will be astounded.

• Take out a piece of paper and write down the names of the five friends you spend the most time with who are students.

• Find out what their GPAs are and write them next to their names.

• Add up all of the GPAs, then divide that sum by five.

• The result? I bet that number is right around where your GPA is.
  

Go ahead, test it out. This equation works with a lot of other things too. The amount of money you make is probably about the average of the five people you spend the most time with. If the five people you hang out with the most don’t take school seriously, you probably won’t take school seriously. If the five people you hang around with the most are on the dean’s list, you are probably on the dean’s list. If the five people you hang around with work out regularly, you probably work out regularly.

Your goal is to find the people on the wavelength you want to be on. You have to be true to yourself. If you are a vegan, it will be hard for you to hang with a bunch of hunters. Because eventually you would have to go out and shoot Bambi! How would you feel about yourself at that point?

Arel Moodie is widely known as America's Top Young Speaker. He has spoken to over 65,000 students in 39 states and 2 countries on the topics of student success, student leadership and student entrepreneurship. He is a leading authority on helping students of this generation succeed in school and in life. He is also the best selling author of the book Your Starting Point For Student Success. To find out more about Arel's book, go to www.startingpointbook.com. To find out more about Arel's speaking please go to www.arelmoodie.com.